When your heart is half healed.

"God wants to be strong for you. He wants to show you His power. He wants to use your life to show others His power!" -- Lee Peterson, September 2012, 1 Chronicles 16:9, 2 Chronicles 16:11

When half of your heart is broken and half of it is healed. And you wonder if you will ever be whole again. The answer is, yeah you will be, and you know that because half of your heart is already healed and the rest is in progress. 

When you realize: that unless you let Christ be strong for you, healing won't come. It took me a year to realize that. A whole year of being broken and of being sad. To realize, the most simple thing, the one with you doing nothing but trusting, is what I needed. 

I'm not all healed. Half of me is still very sad. Half of me still looks back. Half of me still doesn't wanna believe. But the other half is trusting Christ and His strength. And I'm choosing to let my half-healed heart win. 

"You might be going through something hard. But here is the good news, Christ is in YOUR life!" -- Sam Slobodian, September 2012

|day 3|

Today was AH-mazing-ly hilarious! 

First I watched Smallville. :) then my best friend came over to spend the night! Whoo! 

Levi and I had a painting date. :) 

Hard at work! 

 

His finished project.. Go KU!!! 

My work in progress... Tryin to be all artsy. 

Finished! :) that's my name, folks. My name. :P

I made this earlier... I am totally running out of ideas. 

Then Heidi and I decided to paint! I love this one! :) you make me SO happy! 

Next, Heidi gave me a beautiful purple blanket to match her pink one! 

Our lovely blankets :) thx H! 

Then we painted our legs.. Don't even ask. :P 

Yellow, Janessa. Blue, Heidi. Black, Jaycie. :) 

After that Jonalee made us work and plan things. We resisted. And took pictures instead. :) 

She is just so gorg. It's killing me! Love ya Heidi Lou! 

Pipper resisted too. 

 "Party planning is hard..." 

Janessa chopped four inches off my hair last night.. #whateven? 

Why so short?!?!? "Cuz he loved the long do. Had to switch my attitude up." #theresasongforthat 

I had a pet toad. His name was Freddy. I loved him. But I didn't like to feel his skin, so I held him with a leaf. Levi murdered him. :( 

Cute stuff. 

How I feel when David acknowledges that I exist: 

This is also how I am going to feel in T-minus 16 hours when I'm happy again. 😍😍😍😍😍

Janessa was jealous because Heidi and I had matching blankets and she didn't. So we searched our room for change... And found 28 dollars worth! We proceeded to, fill a piggy bank with aforementioned change, go to Target and buy her a blue fuzzy blanket just like ours. :) #happydaysarehereagain 

So that was my very happy day... Which went down a little bit when my parents changed their mind about something I was excited about but was boosted back up with Asa's delish Japanese food(you're awesome dude!) :D good day, good day. Surprisingly this week has past by very pleasantly(aside from the first two days when I was sick) and with very little ice cream. :) I am very satisfied. 

 -Jyc-

This is the end of my days of ramblings for now... But I loved them so much that they will be sure to show in the future. Love you all. :) --Your J girl. 😊

:My dream last night:

I had this totally awful/interesting/wonderful dream last night. 

I was meeting my boyfriend's(I still haven't discovered who this mystery man is yet, but I dream[okay, not really dreams, usually more like nightmares if our families are involved, but whatever] of him quite a lot) parents for the first time at this dinner his aunt was hosting. His mother had said, "wear polka dots and a scarf that matches" and I couldn't wear just any polka dotted old thing, it had to be dressy and (what some would call) old fashioned. I was totally freaking out okay?!?! I was like "how in the world will I find something to wear by tonight?" I didn't own many dressy polka dotted outfits,  and what I did own wasn't tea length, which my future mother in law considered an appropriate length for me to wear. I searched for something to wear for hours(or so it seemed in my dream) finally I found the dress! I was relieved, until... I remembered the second part of lovely future MIL's request; "a scarf to match". I hate scarfs okay, they are scratchy and annoying and I always feel like I'm choking(so actually they are starting to grow on me, like when they became super cute one day, but that doesn't fit in this story, cuz I hated them in this dream. So yeah, I hate them, okay? Okay. Back to the story.) anyhow, I was at the verge of tears. The hours had ticked by and now I had mere minutes left before mystery-adorable-boyfriend arrived! I ripped apart my closet searching for the few scarfs I owned!! My sisters had even left a few of their own behind when they moved out, but to no avail, my search was in vain, nothing matched my lovely tea length, polka dotted dress. The doorbell rang, mystery-handsome-boyfriend had arrived. I came to the door, what a stud, all dressed up and ready to go. He looked past my swollen eyes at the mess I had made searching for the perfect combination of dress, took my hand, kissed my forehead and said, "don't worry darling, I'll call my mom and tell her that we'll be late because we have to run an errand." Then my wonderful mystery-amazing-boyfriend pulled me into his arms and held me as I sobbed and told him of all the horrors of the day, after my tears ran dry, he took me to the store and bought me a brand new dress and scarf. 

Needless to say, I looked stunning and nailed that first-time-meeting-the-parents dinner. All thanks to mystery-superman-boyfriend. :D let me tell you now, this guy is a keeper, If only in my dreams... :) :) :) 

p.s. I really did dream this. #dontjudge :) 

|day 2|

It's another great day to be alive. :D 

Today was kinda laid back and interesting, pretty random. Here's a list of stuff I did. 

Played Ticket To Ride about four times with my sisters. 

My oldest sister made me a cup of whipped cream and caramel cuz I didn't want any iced coffee, she knows me well. :) 

Planned an Amazing Race activity for my party Saturday(eek!! So happy about this :)) 

Watched a trillion and one hilarious vines. :) 

Hung out with my sisters for our monthly(or not so monthly anymore :P) Girls Night. 

I made beautiful(in my eyes :)) wall art.

It's a heart! Hahahaha

Watched a disk of Smallville. 

Thought about swimming. :) 

Made cheese dip(that was disgusting btw) 

Counted down the days until I go and see Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift in concert!!(the number is: not very many, or: next Tuesday) hurray! 

Counted down the days until Saturday morning ;) Two!! 

Made a list of chores I have to accomplish tomorrow BEFORE noon, when one of my BFFs is coming over.. The list is long, folks.. Very long. Pray for me! 

I did several other random things of unimportance(as everything written above) today, but I won't bore you :) 

This cute kid, love her to pieces! And our names match! Macy and Jaycie :) 

In other news, Tuesday night I enrolled myself in college. Yeah, that's COLLEGE. Kinda scary, super exciting. :) also, I am feeling so much better than I have been! I can go through the day with out having to nap, which is a great improvement over last week, when I slept for at least 15 hours each day. Glad to be feeling better! Thank You, Lord Jesus. :) 

on a side note, I hate Thursdays. They are lame. But this one wasn't absolutely terrible. :) 

That's all, folks! I hope you enjoyed my random happiness. :) 

The Sonic Boom, a favorite pose from my sister's wedding last month. :) Photo courtesy of Infinity Focus Photography 

-Jyc- 

P.s. do y'all like my posts about my very random life? Or should I stop?? :) comment and lemme know what ya think! :D 

|day 1|

Today was a good day. I had a great night's sleep for the first time in a long time! After I woke up, my sister came over with the four kids she nannies. They are the cutest kids ever. We spent the day together, going here and there. I had a lot of fun and it took my mind off some things I'd been stressing over and people that I am missing. 

Skotlin and I hanging out in the swimming hole last week... :) 

Next, I hung out at my sisters apartment until it was time to go to church and work in the nursery. I was incredibly delighted when I got to hold a newborn baby. His name is Baur and he is just a little doll, so tiny and sweet! I haven't held a newborn in a long time, so my heart was very, very happy. 

Out by the swimming hole last week... Brown haired, in purple, my youngest sister. Blond haired, in pink, the youngest girl my sister nannies. They became fast friends this summer. :) 

The last happy thing that happened today is, after prayer meeting was over I went to the store with my parents and two siblings(the one right above me and the one right below me), we grocery shopped, then went home and watched a movie together. It was fun to relax and for our house to be so quiet, since you don't find that a lot of peace living in a house with eight other people! All in all, it's a great day to be alive. 

:this is the day that The Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it: 

We used to keep our hearts safe (a better way)

  I am a big Tenth Avenue North fan. And these two songs have been my heart's desire this past year. I'd love it if The Lord would reach down, Empty My Hands and Hold My Heart. :) I know that You are who You say You are. 

Empty My Hands

I've got voices in my head and they are so strong

And I'm getting sick of this oh Lord, how long

Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe

My hands like locks on cages

Of these dreams I can't set free

But if I let these dreams die

If I lay down all my wounded pride

If I let these dreams die

Will I find that letting go lets me come alive

So empty my hands

Fill up my heart

Capture my mind with you

These voices speak instead and what's right is wrong

And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long

Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe

My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die

If I could just lay down my dark desire

If I let these dreams die

Will I find you brought me back to life

So empty my hands

Fill up my heart

Capture my mind with you

'Cause my mind is like a building burning down

I need your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground

And my heart is just a prisoner of war

A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

So won't you empty my hands

Fill up my heart

Capture my mind with you

Empty my hands

Fill up my heart

Capture my mind with you

With you

I need you now, Lord. 

Hold My Heart

How long must I pray

Must I pray to You

How long must I wait

Must I wait for You

How long till I see Your face

See You shining through 

I'm on my knees

Begging You to notice me

I'm on my knees

Father, will You turn to me 

One tear in the driving rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart

One life, that's all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Would You come close and hold my heart 

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes

So much can slip away before I say goodbye

But if there's no other way

I'm done asking why 

'Cause I'm on my knees

Begging You to notice me

I'm on my knees

Father, will You run to me, yeah

One tear in the driving rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart

One life, that's all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Would You come close and hold my heart

So many questions without answers

Your promises remain

I can't see but I'll take my chances

To hear you call my name

To hear you call my name 

One tear in the driving rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart

One life, that's all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Would You come close and hold my heart

Hold my heart

Could You hold my heart

Hold my heart

Orange Monkeys and Mental Breakdown Sundaes. #getmeone!

I am really tired tonight. I think I've made a few "Orange Monkey" comments. Someone who has known me forever, looked at me and said "I think you should go to bed or something, cuz you're talking crazy." 

I am really lonely tonight. All my siblings(and bunk mates) are at a friends house. So I'm all alone(with my parents) in my house. I got a taste of what it meant to be an only child tonight, and it was good, but now it's bedtime and I don't have my sisters to protect me from snakes and scary monsters. 

I am really happy tonight. I've been in an unspoken argument with a friend for over a week now. I was mad at her for being mad at me for something I couldn't change. I was feeling pretty crappy about it because I didn't know how to fix the problem, until tonight, after ignoring me, she walked up to me and just started sobbing. So I hugged her and let her cry, and then she told how she was so stressed out with decisions she is having to make and how I had just scared her so bad, by making her think about the future. I apologized and told her that I wasn't making any life-altering decisions right now regarding what had scared her so bad about me. I think we both felt loads better. I think what I had 'done' was just the cherry on top of a mental breakdown sundae(I sound well versed in that because I make those often.. And most of the time out of myself). To the person who helped restore this friendship(you know who you are), I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are amazing. <3 

  Gorgeous sunset last night! PTL

For the first time. Since July 22nd, 2012. I'm starting to believe that good decisions were made that day. Four days short of a year, thank You Jesus. I like the direction my life is heading. 

Oh, how sweet it is to trust in Jesus.

"I think God's people are at their strongest when they are broken, because God can use them to do incredible things when they say, 'All I can do is rely on God.'" - Mark Stuart


I am continually amazed by how God uses broken people. 
How He takes messed up lives and makes beautiful creations. 
How He uses shame and mistakes to lead sinners to the Cross. 
How He turns fear and trembling into unshaken faith. 

He is indescribable, yet there are so many ways to name Him. 

He is Father.
Counselor.
Strong-tower.
Awesome.
Unfathomable.
Son.
Redeemer.
Jehovah Jirah.
Messiah.
Unbreakable.
Lamb of God.
Able.
Jesus Christ.
Unchangeable.
Faithful.
I AM. 
Saviour.
Forgiver.
Love.
King of Kings.
Kind.


and so so SO much more! The part that gets me the most though, He was made sin for us. The perfect One, was made sin FOR US! Doesn't that just grip you? Doesn't that just make you want to adore Him all the more? It does for me, oh, how it does for me! The love He has for all of us sinners drives me to want to love as much as He does. I want that for you too.

-Jyc-

  

Feel free to comment your favorite names and attributes of God.